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The Making of a Kenyan Cynic

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The Making of a Kenyan Cynic
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“Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent” ~ Glen Cook

Before the Friday, March 9, 2018 famous handshake between President Uhuru Kenyatta and NASA presidential candidate Raila Odinga, Kenyans in opposition were swimming in schadenfreude as the government declared that it was broke.

Prior to the nearly comical announcement, the Auditor General declared that the government could not account for Ksh 40 billion, for the financial year 2015/16.

Most of the monies that could not be accounted for belonged to the most critical ministries: Devolution and Agriculture. The person in charge of the Department of Devolution under whose tenure we witnessed the most insulting heist is now a Governor that a leading woman magazine called her a trailblazer and a survivor in the month we celebrate women.

The headlines since President Kenyatta resumed his second and last term (hopefully) have been depressing. The unaccounted for monies, the unemployment rates at a stratospheric high, the collapse of the ecological towers (made the worse over the denial of the obvious by the Deputy President less than a decade ago), the looming drought and famine, the appointments by the president public service that are not representative of the country’s diversity, the ballooning debt (Sh 4.58 trillion as of November 2017) are some of the headlines Kenyans have woken up the first 100 days of the second term. We will not mention the inflation and the runaway fuel prices and the scandalous cost of electricity.

Euphoric Nasa Supporters

Gore Vidal, that finest American essayist once said, “The four most beautiful words in our common language are: I told you so.”

NASA supporters have been reminding those who voted for the government that the party has just begun.

Nobody captured the NASA zeitgeist than Gabriel Oguda on a February 26, Facebook post,

“Check on your friends. Check on your friends who were noisily vocal on their support for this government before the elections, but are now tone-quiet and suffering in silence after realizing the stinking mess they put us in. Let them know that we are suffering because of their collective herd mentality, but we are philanthropic enough to ask God to let them continue breathing the same air we breathe hoping they learn a thing or two about eating humble pies…”

The post garnered over 1,000 reactions, 300 shares and several comments. The mirth in the comments, as those in opposition chided their friends is understandable.

One can surmise the reaction of those who voted for Jubilee as:

“The opposition is not any better, as they have served in the government before, and we know their record. Everything you can accuse the government off, you can accuse the opposition of presiding over the same or complicit.”

They admit that voting for Jubilee was a mistake, but the opposition was not an alternative.

Benumbed

Have Kenyans become devoid of any physical or emotions feelings because of politics?

Dr Sam Kamau, lecturer at the Aga Khan University Graduate School of Media and Communication, says that Kenyans have been fed so much negative news by the media, they are so desensitized.

“People have seen everything. Like the corruption scandals in the news, nothing shocks them anymore.”

Politicians too have taken us in circles for far too long.

“We always have so much promise, fresh starts, but somehow everything tends to collapse, sooner or later, people have learnt to manage their expectations,” he says.

Back in 2002, after President Daniel Arap Moi was voted out, there was so much promise, and the first two years of Mwai Kibaki’s presidency, Kenyans overly optimistic. But the fresh start was curtailed, when Kibaki famously failed to honour the Memorandum of Understanding with other members of the Rainbow Alliance.

This was a catalyst for the events that will shape the destiny of Kenya for the next 20 years.

A constitution plebiscite in 2005 and the ensuing fall-out was a perfect primer for the 2007 election that ended up badly, with over 1,200 people dead and more than 600,000 displaced. Then there was the National Accord, a coalition government that delivered the new constitution that we all hoped would be a panacea for the problems that have bedeviled the country since its inception.

It proved a dumb expectation, despite how progressive the constitution turned out. The 2007 Post-Election Violence did not occur in a vacuum. It was more than 40 years in the making. Forty years of sweeping our dirt under the carpet of forgetfulness.

On February 1, 2008 till the National Dialogue and Recompilation Agreement was signed in Nairobi creating a coalition government. The Agreement ensured that violence stopped, fundamental rights and liberties were restored, and the escalating humanitarian crisis was restored and some semblance of reconciliation took place.

But importantly, the Accord’s Agenda 4 wanted long term measures and solutions: a new constitution to engineer institutional and legal reforms (Which we achieved in 2010), land reforms (still a thorny issue that no one can touch), addressing poverty and inequity (never a priority for the ruling elite), unemployment particularly among the youth (latest figure indicate more than 40 percent of the youth are unemployed), consolidating national cohesion and unity (as of 2017, talk about secession was rife among the disgruntled members of opposition), accountability and addressing impunity (the first term of Uhuru Kenyatta’s regime saw him throw the towel in on corruption, nobody expects much on the second term, despite tough talk.

Despite the slight progress, institutional reforms have stagnated. Some institutions like the police force, sections of our judiciary and the executive (read Matiang’i) are reminiscent of the darkest days of the Moi and Kenyatta regime.

The more things change…

With Jubilee adamantly rebuffing any attempts at national dialogue and denying and divisions in the country, those in opposition have been banking on the Opposition to push for change through the People’s Assembly and even calling for cessation, if the push comes to shove. Even a gesture like the mock swearing of Raila Odinga raised hopes, however forlorn, that he can push for real change and at best achieve the quest for electoral justice.

Then a handshake throws a spanner in the works

It is safe to say that those in Jubilee would have wished to see Uhuru Kenyatta steer his last term on his own terms and secure his legacy without the involving opposition leaders.

It is also safe to assume that those in opposition would have wished those who supported the government to be let to fry in their own fat.

But nobody saw the handshake coming and indeed the Friday presser which seemed contrived in every way and certainly influenced by the soon to be sacked American Secretary of State Rex Tillerson who was on his way to the country.

Raila Odinga’s supporters were angry.

Kalonzo Musyoka’s supporters and other neutral and moderate NASA supporters wondered loudly the kind of vitriol Kalonzo Musyoka would have received, had he been the one who made the move.

“Goes to show how shaky Kenyan political marriages can be. NASA as a marriage is shaky and one move by Raila can destabilize it. There is no guarantee similarly that his truce with Uhuru can last,” says Dr Kamau.

Other Kenyans opted for comic relief bemoaning the predictable nature of our politics.

Kumbe Caanan was right around Harambee House, na nimekuwa nikipita hapo kila siku (So Caanan was right here at Harambee House, and I have been passing there every day).” Someone wrote on Facebook.

Another one “You can all unblock each other…” was the other typical joke since the two political sides argued ad nauseam ahead of the election to a point of blocking each other.

In a sense, the handshake was a mockery on the feelings of Kenyans who felt that they had been taken for granted, for far too long.

“What of Baby Pendo, those who died for the cause!” many in the ODM party wondered, especially, given the Raila Odinga did not mention them in his rather long but superfluous speech.

“What was so difficult to have this dialogue before the election and save the many lives we lost to police brutality?” was a collective gasp.

54 years after independence…

“Fifty-five years into independence, we are challenged to audit our progress towards the ideals for which our fathers fought to establish a free and independent country and for which many of our compatriots died,” Raila Odinga said to a stupefied country, after a meeting with President Kenyatta at Harambee House.

Many Kenyans felt that they had heard that line before. In fact, in 2013, many people gave President Kenyatta a benefit of doubt, that being young and rich, he will be more liberal and more progressive, and will not tolerate corruption.

Another dumb, if misplaced expectation.

In five years he gave up on the fight against corruption, we saw school children being teargassed as they defended their school playground from being grabbed by a developer who serves the top echelons of his government. He not only attacked the media, but withdrew the government support in terms of advertising, after dangling it as a carrot failed to work. He went ahead and cracked on the media, twice suspending TV stations and cracking down on independent-minded journalists. Extra-judicial killings and gangland assassinations were witnessed as a member of parliament was ganged down in a busy avenue, a businessman cruelly executed and an IEBC official brutally murdered. Nobody was brought to account. Needless to mention the state-sponsored terror in the between August 2017 to January 2018 when the temperatures started to cool down.

That does not sound like someone the opposition voters would love to work with. Yet, here we are.

The journey to skepticism

Dr Sam Kamau, says that the politicians must take the biggest portion of the blame in the malaise we are in,

“They overpromise and underdeliver. Look at Raila, with the promise of Canaan, and the outcome, you can understand the frustration. Because he packaged his campaign in such way that his victory was going to correct every historical wrong.”

On the other hand, the Jubilee politicians used Raila Odinga as a bait to charge their voters,

“Jubilee voters were shown a doomsday scenario, a Raila Odinga’s victory mean the end of everything they have ever known and stood for,” hence the voting pattern.

Therefore, those in opposition are justifiably skeptical about the promised cooperation to end the bad blood between the two political sides, considering they believe their victory was stolen, some say, for the third time.

Desperation is the obvious outcome. Ditto Jubilee supporters who are presently suffering from an acute bout of buyer’s remorse. To them, Raila working with Uhuru is a bad move because it can get acrimonious if the there is anything we learnt from the coalition government.

When you combine the desperation on both sides of the political divide, you get a deeply cynical crowd.

“No two Kenyans agree on the origins of the differences and what they portend…” read part of Raila Odinga’s speech. I find this part to be rather hollow, for a man who presided over the signing of the national accord and who has told us continuously that we must implement the Truth Justice and Reconciliation Commission Report. He knows that President Kenyatta has not been keen on implementing the report and there are no awards for guessing why he lacks the urgency.

For failing to address the deeper issues, in 2017, we nearly returned to where we were in 2007/08. And now few people expect much from the Uhuru-Raila truce.

Yet, confronting the TJRC can be a useful step. MukurimaMuriuki, a Conflict and Resolution expert based in Los Angeles avers,

“Raila ought to push for a resolution. Then we move to conflict transformation. This is where many do not go. A no-man’s land, because it involves some tough decisions like implementing the TJRC.

In the absence of that, politicians have the same fodder for campaign come 2022. Jackson Omondi, the Atlanta based political commentator blames the Kenyans for being too gullible:

Dies the institutions, dies the hope

Dr Godwin Murunga, the Executive Secretary of the Council for the Development of Social Science Research in Africa (CODESRIA) fears for the rollback of the progress the 2010 constitution heralded.

“All independent constitutional offices are either under attack or have been taken over by conservative people whose interest is job security rather than advancing the mandate of the institutions,” he says, adding, “The CIC’s term came to an end. The Ombudsman Office is quite ineffective. EACC is silenced. JSC is under venomous attack. IEBC is useless. Parliament is now overwhelmingly Jubilee. Parliamentary committees are therefore controlled by Jubilee.”

He advises the country should retrace backwards in order to go forward.

“The silver lining in all these is that the agenda for change is not with Raila or Uhuru, it has begun to slip away from them and into a more radicalized masses of people supporting the People’s Assembly process.”

He suggests the People’s Assembly is a good idea; it was only unpalatable because Odinga led it. It should be enlarged beyond opposition areas and make it larger, stronger and more encompassing, and it can spur renewal that can go beyond the Raila-Uhuru truce.

And the ‘new’ truce, which is similar to the Koffi Annan Accord, can be the core of the next level of struggle. And the People’s Assembly is the first line of defense.

“But it can only be useful if we shift the goal from achieving electoral justice to that of securing the survival of institutions that are relevant to the sustaining of our constitutionalism.”

Way forward

Dr Murunga, also a historian, suggests three options of leadership for greater freedom with the possible exit of Raila Odinga as the doyen of opposition politics: The Civil Society Organizations, the Opposition and the autonomous institutions of the government that safeguard freedom.

But the political opposition normally has a short-term goal of winning and taking power, but Civil Society Organisations can have a longer-term agenda.

However, both rely on independent government institutions like courts to win and advance the struggle. But courts are now being assailed and other institutions are rudderless.

“Therefore, new leadership should be birthed as a deliberate process. It does not have to be one single individual. It could be a set of institutions with a common agenda of addressing Annan’s agenda,” Dr Murunga explains.

He further suggests that one of the ways is to engineer a new cohort within the Civil Society.

“But they are under the overwhelming control of traditional CSO’s with its luminaries who still control and determine the agenda:”

He opines that serious work has to be done to ‘radicalise’ young pastors as the engine of the People’s Assembly idea. Additionally, we need to reinvent the role of professional associations like the media, lawyers, doctors and nurses, lecturers, and the rest. While the situation with the group looks bad, they are easier to organize.

Finally, we can support and safeguard courts by reinforcing the role of the JSC.

The new truce must not be treated as a short-term solution. If we do that, we would have lost the struggle, and many will wish for Raila Odinga to stay around long enough.

It is not his battle alone. All must fight. And skepticism is not an option.

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Silas Nyanchwani is a writer and journalist based in Nairobi, Kenya.

Reflections

Nairobi, Nairobae, Nairoberry

Cacophonous, labyrinthine, gluttonous, angry, envious, charming, paradoxical, mysterious, confusing, alluring.

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Nairobi, Nairobae, Nairoberry
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Nairobi. A cacophony of matatu hoots and booming bongs from church bells. All in inexplicable harmony. Like a Beethoven piece. A muezzin’s melody moves the ummah from a minaret here, a bus conductor — shouting from the most pimped out mathree — moves umati there. A hawker here. An ambulance there. But there’s also a silent monotone. The sound of hope dying. Of someone stealing two billion every day, of the clock going tick-tock from your 9 to 5. There’s that saying: if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? But what if it’s in the middle of Waiyaki Way? Just because someone thinks giving us an expressway will absolve him of war crimes. While in reality, all it does is leave all the marabou storks homeless.

Nairobi. A labyrinth of lipstick-stained shot glasses and semi-filled ashtrays. Where a party starts regardless of where the limbs of the clock point. And only ends when everyone is browned out and on the brink of calling the one that got away. Nairobi is looking for coins during traffic because you want to help the beggar, who is patient enough to receive the donation before snatching your phone. It is being stagnant in that same traffic for long enough to buy crisps made with transformer oil and served in compact disk wrapping. And like clockwork, you put the window back up because Nairobbery isn’t just a play on words. But the ones that hurt the most are the conmen, because nigga I trusted you!

Nairobi. Where gluttony is second nature. A kaleidoscope of too much gold tequila and too many smokie pasuas. Of good pasta and wine in overpriced restaurants. Of ramen noodles and pre-cooked meat. Where nothing is ever enough. We drink and eat to our fill because life sucks. Why wouldn’t it? Our last president’s advisor was the bottom of a Jameson bottle and our current one’s advisor is Jesus. The spirit guides the nation either way, I guess. But still, Nairobi tastes like chances and do-overs. It tastes like anxieties and aspirations and I know it doesn’t feel like it but today you omoka na 3-piecer then one day you omoka, for real.

Nairobi. Reeks of piss and thrifted clothes. Fresh bakeries and Subway. Old currency and that one cologne every man in their early 20s wears. Smells like fighting your titans and sending a million job applications. Nairobi. Where you can go weeks without a lover’s touch but only days without a cop grabbing you by the wedgie into a mariamu because you shouldn’t be idle as you wait for your Uber outside Alchemist. Because of course in that time you should take up a sport, play an instrument, solve world peace, et cetera.

There are few occasions when pride will linger. Like when Kipchoge finishes a marathon in under two hours. When Lupita wins an Oscar. The hubris you feel when your copy makes it to the billboard on UN Avenue. Or when your lame joke gets five retweets because Kenyans on Twitter will massacre you if you think you’re the next Churchill. Orrrr that one time we were all watching Money Heist and so gassed that Nairobi was one of the characters.

Sadly, Nairobi pride also comes in with its individualism. Everyone is out here on their own trying to get some bread whether they’re in the upper class getting baguettes and rye bread or in the lower class getting Supaloaf. I get it though, the city doesn’t let anyone rest from the grind and the hustle and the drudgery. And the wealth gap is bigger than Vera Sidika’s bunda. But ironically, the city is a paradox. An optical illusion. Sometimes the people are so ready to convene in community that it kinda revives the fickle hope you have in humanity. From safe spaces to fundraisers to a simple hearty conversation with your Uber driver.

And there’s obviously that murky feeling of greed that comes from 90 per cent of our politicians. When you’re at the bottom of the food chain it’s called hunger, but the higher you climb the more you want and it becomes indulgence. Greed makes them say and do all kinds of things. Like apologising to Arab countries that are exploiting Kenyans because they don’t want to be cut off. Y’all know any juakali guys we can commission for guillotines? – Heads gotta roll. Because how will I steal cooking oil and flour and end up in a cold cell but they’ll steal billions and end up with a second five-year term?

I think wrath is the most Nairobi-esque of the cardinal sins. We’re angry at the police. At the government, at global warming, at nduthis, at KPLC, at Zuku, at Safaricom, at KCB, at each other. Agonizingly though, our anger fizzles out as fast as it blazes up. I don’t think we’re ever angry enough.

And then there’s the envy. You know you’ll get there eventually but that gets lost in translation when you see someone with better because that sparks something in you even though we are all on different paths at different paces. Whether it’s a BMW or an airfryer, the question stays: Why not me? And also I’m personally jealous of the people who’ve managed to move out of Nairobi to Naivasha, Watamu or wherever. It feels like they’ve figured their way out the maze while I’m still at a dead end wondering whether I can just hop out the sides. Doesn’t matter what it is, our eyes are as green as the parks and spaces we so desperately need in this godforsaken city.

Nairobi. The city of miniskirts and cheers baba jackets. Lust dripping down the sides of our mouths because we can’t seem to contain it under our tongues. I don’t even know why people bother to go to Vasha for WRC when they live in the city of sexual debauchery where the only thing that’s on heat more than the sun is whatever’s between people’s legs. Where even Christian Grey would pause and do a double-take. Where ropes aren’t just for skipping and leashes aren’t just for dogs. If you find ordered love in the city, you must have saved refugees and orphans in your past life. This is the city where the flesh is truly willing.

You know that intense sloth-like feeling when you wanna wake up for Sunday brunch at Brew Bistro or K1 and then later watch Hamilton race at around 4 when all the mimosas have hit your head and you’re surprised that your wig is still intact? Or the next day when you’re trying to get out of your covers and you’re thinking about that beastly Nairobi traffic you’re about to face and all you can do is tweet “Nimewacha pombe mimi”. Truthfully though, other than that and a few other instances, the pace is too fast for me. I just wanna be in a dera next to the beach drinking a passion caipiroska and eating viazi karai cause why are y’all always running?

And y’all are way too fast when coming up with new words too. There’s like a million words for currency, ass, sex, sherehe, et cetera. Truly, there is a certain linguistic je ne sais quoi when it comes to the Nairobian’s language. It stops being a transaction of random syllables and begins to become an understanding of feelings, emotions and behaviour. I, especially, like how we knead it into our art. We sneak it into our music and get phenomena like gengetone.

We compress it into our films and get Nairobi Half Life. We squeeze it into our visual pieces and get Michael Soi. One thing about Nairobians is we do not cower in silence, we have words to say and we shall say them. Even if that means running a president out of Twitter. That’s why our writers are as staggeringly sensational as they are. Ngartia. Sookie. Grey. Muthaka. Laria. Abu. And those are just my friends, dawg.

But it’s not just the writing. The fashion. Rosemary Wangari. Nicole Wendo. Samantha Nyakoe. The music. Mau from Nowhere, Vallerie Muthoni, Karun, Maya Amolo, XPRSO. Just a Band. The films. The painting. Muthoni Matu. Zolesa. The architecture. The cinema. The theatre. Too Early for Birds is back! et cetera. Man, I gotta tell ya, when God was cooking up the cauldron of this city, he went hard on the talent. Quote me on this: a lot of exceptional creatives from this city are gonna hit the world with a head-splitting bang in a couple of years.

Nairobi. Despite the crowds, the queues and the poor drainage, it still has a charm. Mysterious. Confusing. Alluring. Despite the fact that you can only truly enjoy the Nairobi experience if you’re a bird or an expat, me I love it still.

Nairobians, keep sinning, keep winning!

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Reflections

The Enemy Within

Death hangs heavily over people with cancer – it is always there, reminding you of your mortality.

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The Enemy Within
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So, this is what happens when a doctor tells you that you have cancer. The first response is disbelief (how can this be true?), followed by anger (I don’t deserve this, I never hurt anyone), and then a deep sense of grief and loss (what will I miss when I die, and how will my loved ones cope without me?)

They say cancer is the result of pent-up anger and resentment. Apparently, years of holding on to these emotions make your cells misbehave and become toxic. Cancer cells end up eating up healthy cells, leaving the body so full of poison that it collapses from lack of vitality. The jury is still out on whether lifestyle choices generate cancer in the body because people who lead healthy lives seem to be as prone to cancer as those who don’t. Nonetheless, when you find out you have cancer, your first reaction is to blame yourself. It is sort of like being told you have HIV. (Was I responsible for this? Was I reckless? Should I have used a condom?)

Friends and relatives will tell you that breast cancer is beatable, that they know so many women who had breast cancer and lived healthy lives years after treatment. What they don’t tell you is that all the literature points to a short life expectancy after the discovery of cancer. The chances of recurrence are high, even with chemotherapy, mastectomy or radiation, the traditional methods to “cure” breast cancer. I have read studies where women who had chemotherapy had an equal chance of recurrence as those who didn’t. So, death hangs heavily over people with cancer – it is always there, constantly reminding you of your mortality.

Most people are so afraid of cancer that they can’t even say the word. The receptionist at an oncologist’s office actually asked me what kind of “C” I had – never used the word cancer. Yet she deals with cancer patients every day.  Another oncologist I consulted couldn’t even make eye contact with me and rushed me through a diagnosis I couldn’t understand, perhaps believing that my cancer was contagious?

The thing is that cancer is not like any other disease that can be cured through surgery or drugs. It requires months of treatment and constant monitoring. It’s not like having malaria or a broken bone. It is like having an enemy residing in your body, hostile, predatory, waiting to pounce at any moment.

It seems a positive frame of mind is critical in recovering from cancer. I got calls from women who told me they bounced right back into their lives after months of treatment as if nothing had happened, that I mustn’t believe all the literature, that I should get all the treatments done and go back to living a normal life. They didn’t explain to me why they have been working from home since their treatment started and since their so-called “recovery”. Others are more honest about their experiences. A South African women called to tell me that her experience with chemotherapy had damaged her heart, and she is on life-long medication that makes her urinate every few minutes, which means she can no longer work in an office. Instead of destroying the cancer, the chemo destroyed healthy cells in her heart. She is cancer-free but now disabled in other ways. Another friend told me her aunt died not from the cancer, but from the chemo.

What the doctors and the optimists don’t tell you is that both chemotherapy and radiation have debilitating impacts on your body. They literally are poisons injected into your body to kill another poison. Sort of like a vaccine but not quite because they do not boost your immunity. Both chemotherapy and radiation therapies involve weeks of hospital visits that cost an arm and leg. Nausea, burns on your body, fatigue are common side effects.

A friend from Boston who has studied alternative ways of healing from cancer (including not getting any treatment at all) tells me that each woman with breast cancer has to make an individual choice about what kind of treatment she should get. Doctors trained in Western medicine will be quick to put you on chemotherapy and the other treatments without giving you other options. Desperate and eager to cling onto life, the patient with cancer readily accepts any treatment, not realising that not only is it a very long process, but very costly as well. Mental preparation and psychological support are also necessary before embarking on the long and arduous journey called cancer treatment. People become life-long patients; some recover well, others not so well. Some women opt for no treatment, preferring to lead a good quality of life before the disease ravages the body.

I am looking at alternative methods of healing, including Pranic healing that works on your energy fields and chakras. So far it seems to be helping me, but only time will tell if I will be a success story. I have certainly started eating more, and those dizzy spells in the morning seem to be getting rarer.

The biopsy results are not yet out, so I am still not sure what the oncologist will prescribe, but in Kenya, the modus operandi seems to follow the same script: mastectomy, followed by chemotherapy or radiation and some kind of hormone treatment. Am I ready to go there? Not sure. Women who lose their breasts speak of feeling like an amputee; the loss of an organ that defines their femininity impacts their identity and self-esteem. Others are more casual about losing their breasts, (“It’s just fat,” one woman told me). `

The other thing about cancer is that when you have it, you think of nothing else. Everything is a blur. Someone wants to make small talk, and all you want to do is look the other way or scream. (Can’t you see I have cancer? Do you really want to discuss the weather?) You think about your life in vivid film shots. Your past suddenly comes into sharp focus, both the happy and sad days. You begin questioning the meaning of life in ways you never did before. Cancer prepares you for death the way a fatal car accident doesn’t. Is sudden death preferable to dying slowly because you can’t see it coming? Not sure.

But let me not be the purveyor of doom and gloom. The reason I am writing this article is that I have learned wonderful things about myself and other people. One of the things I have learned is that people can be kind and generous when they know you are in pain. People I don’t even know and have never met have sent me good wishes, prayers and even money for my treatment. Friends and family have sent food and offered accommodation. An Indian friend called to say that if I opted to go to India for treatment, I could stay in his home for as long as I needed. These generous and kind offers have literally brought tears to my eyes.

What I also learned is that my life’s work has not been a waste, and that my readers love and admire me for my writing. I didn’t realise I had inspired so many people, not just in Kenya but around the world, through words I have penned. That is a really important things for me to know and hold onto right now – to realise that I had a gift that I used well, and which helped others. And to know that when I go, my writing will live on.

I also learned that life is very, very short. So, we must not postpone the things we need to do. If your job makes you unhappy, quit. If a relationship is toxic, leave it. If people around you are making you feel bad about yourself, walk away. Surround yourself with people who love and cherish you. Love is very important for human survival, so distribute it freely. Be kind and generous. This thing called life is temporary, so enjoy every moment and live it as if every day is your last.

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Reflections

Someone’s Grandmother Just Died!

It is painful to always have to consider the feelings of others while legitimate calls for acknowledgement of racial injustice and reparations are consistently ignored and dismissed.

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Someone's Grandmother Just Died!
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Following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, I watched the televised service at St. Giles’ Cathedral in Edinburgh attended by the royals and various Scottish dignitaries, as well as the many hundreds who came out to pay their respects or to be a part of this historical event.

As I watched the outpouring of public emotion, I couldn’t help but wonder what emotions the queen’s death would invoke in those whose lives have been blighted because of the British colonial policies that killed millions and left a legacy of misery and disenfranchisement in countries far too many to name.  

At first I was saddened by the news. But then came the reactions of global figures the world over, with some proclaiming outright that Queen Elizabeth had been a guiding light, a symbol of hope and stability in the world. One broadcaster went so far as to say “She was everybody’s grandmother.” My problem was that she wasn’t mine.

My grandmother, born in 1923, was just three years old when the Queen was born, my 81-year-old mother told me when I called to get her reaction to the news that the Queen had died. “She would’ve been 99 years old today if she had she lived,” my mom said. I could hear the emotion in her voice as she remembered her mother. My grandmother died in 1983; she was 59 years old. I was then just 18 years old.  I said, “Mom with all the things we know about the racist systems that have kept Black and Brown people oppressed, I really don’t know how I want to feel about the death of the British Queen.” Never one to mince her words, my mom replied, “She was a human being, and we, well you know, we mourn the loss of any life.”

Yes. She may have been a grandmother to many but to me she was a symbol of institutionalized racism in its clearest form. Images of British dynasty have been present in the education of every American who has gone through the public school system since the Second World War during which the United States allied with Britain in their quest for global power and dominance. Yet here was the evil of the Crown being portrayed in the media—as it’s always been portrayed—as providence, something divine. As I listened to a special broadcast by the popular British talk show host James Corden talking to an American audience about the Queen’s passing, his tone struck me as odd: “She will be missed, she was everybody’s grandmother,” he said, going on to tell us how well she had served the country and the world.

As I was listening to Corden and wondering why I was so irritated by his outpouring of emotion, it dawned on me that racism moves from generation to generation, falling back on the old practices of how to colonize a nation:  You teach them to love you more than they love themselves. Racism survives because the symbols of racism never die. We carry the symbols in our hearts and in our minds and once we have identified with them, we seek to justify their existence. While I could empathise with those that felt a special connection to the Crown, what I realized and felt most immediately, was the insensitivity I received as an African American who bears the scars of the legacy of slavery that has made the British Empire one of the richest and most powerful nations in the world today.

The next day I watched the funeral procession move through the streets of Edinburgh, the commentators conveying the solemn mood of the people who came out to pay tribute to their Queen.  All the while I couldn’t see past the 1989 image of Princess Diana hugging a child suffering from HIV/AIDS. On her first unaccompanied trip overseas, Princess Diana spontaneously broke with protocol and showed compassion towards a suffering Black child with all the world watching, at a time when the stigma of HIV/AIDS was as bad as the disease, and  Blacks were being impacted the most and no one else seemed to care. Diana’s humanity helped solidify her reputation as the “People’s Princess” and it radically changed the way AIDS sufferers were perceived.

While the news played on I thought about two recent exchanges I had had in Amsterdam, just outside my front door.  The first exchange took place in a cafe.

I was sitting at the bar having a coffee. Another Black male of Surinamese origin was sitting a couple of tables away. It was midmorning and we were the only ones there. In an attempt to start a conversation, as men do, he asked my opinion on the war in Ukraine. I told him I thought it was crazy, all too unreal. The white Dutchman behind the counter leaned over and candidly shared, “I don’t give a shit about the war in Ukraine.”  I didn’t speak again and left the bar so abruptly the young brother asked, “You leaving?”  I was in no mood to have that conversation so early in the day, having experienced the backlash of the “Black Lives Matter” protest with the counter-narrative that All Lives Matter; I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to just hold one’s peace and walk away. (It literally is your peace.)

Shortly after that incident, a couple of days later, I had another encounter that made me realize that we simply can’t afford not to care. I had wandered into a tool shop  on the corner of my street that looks more like a men’s gift shop inside than a hardware store selling nails, drills and plywood. Behind me walked in a man who apparently knew what he wanted because we reached the cash register at the same time, he with a power drill in his hand. I moved aside to let him be the first in line, not sure if I was done.

The Dutchman behind the counter seemed not to have noticed that the man with the drill wasn’t Dutch and didn’t speak the language. But to his credit, he did know what he wanted: the drill and a bag in which to put the canisters of spray paint he had already placed on the counter. Being familiar with Eastern Europeans, I assumed the man was Polish and asked “Polske?” “No! Ukraine!” he said, then, smiling, added, “Close.”

Hij wil een tas.” He wants a bag, I said to the clerk; bags are not automatically handed out after a purchase these days.  The clerk then understood and reached under the counter. I was pleased I could help and the Ukrainian was happy as well. To my surprise, as I placed my items on the counter, the Ukrainian tapped my shoulder and offered a fist bump.

I say all this to say of the human condition that people appreciate what they understand.  And sadly enough, we rarely think about injustice until it is visited upon us.

Whose permission do we now need to talk about racism and the policies that still impact us today? Africa and the African diaspora’s historical issues are and always have been about racism and this is why members of this group, my group, will always hold a contrarian view when the West attempts to compel us to join them in their moment of grief.  My grandmother died in 1983, at the young age of 59, in a small southern town next to a river; there was no horse and carriage, no media. The British Empire once covered the whole world, a dominance that was achieved through suppression and oppression. Many atrocities were committed and entire communities decimated under the authority of the Queen.  I was raised never to speak ill of the dead because they aren’t here to defend themselves but I will submit this:  it is painful to always have to consider the feelings of others while legitimate calls for acknowledgement of racial injustice and reparations are consistently ignored and dismissed.  Where is the same fervour and energy for those issues that matter to us? 

When we as Black people keep the peace, we empower the presence of the historical lie that we are inferior and thus require control. When we remain silent we allow the systems of the institutions and the prejudices that block our collective growth to thrive. Why should we care about the death of the Queen when the Queen has stood for the oppression of our people? Why should we be guilt-tripped into silence, into not speaking out about the dead, into not pursuing our freedom? When will our emergency, the issues that impact Black and Brown people, become a top concern for the White world? When will I be able speak without fear of being branded just another angry black man, angry for what I don’t have that others do?

Sad as the Queen’s death is to those that survive her, honouring her service is a symbolic gesture that must be contextualized because, for many, and not just in the UK but all over the world, the English monarchy is a symbol of oppression. I recently listened to a podcast in which a Black podcaster scolded an guest who said this of the Queen: “She is the symbol of colonialism and racism for many; however much we want to romanticize the Queen of England’s long reign on the throne as a stabilizing force on earth, she has also allowed many human rights violations on her watch”. The podcaster’s response was a classic putdown, “Why do Black people have to always bring up racism? Someone’s grandmother just died!”

Racism endures because when we identify with its symbols, we will do anything and everything in our power to justify and defend them.

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